


What happens to a Werewolf gone Cold Turkey?

by thesametomutual



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: A lot of feels, Alpha Derek Hale, Also this is my first ever sterek fic, Angst, Derek has to talk about his feelings, Fluff, Hale fire happened, Happy Ending, Human Stiles Stilinski, Hurt Stiles, I'll tag along when I post a new chapter, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kind of smut is happening, M/M, Mates, Mention of Allison/Scott, Mention of Lydia/Jackson, POV Derek, Scenting, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Stiles is a forensic doctor, Working at his dad's station, eventually smut, if you want/need something tagged please tell me, mention of Erica/Boyd, non-con scenting, stupid derek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 09:48:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14746532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesametomutual/pseuds/thesametomutual
Summary: “I’m sorry, I was a fucking asshole of a moron and I’m sorry!”That’s all Derek said, before he licked the little drop of sweat that started running down from behind Stiles' ear.“Fuck!” Is all Stiles said.“Fuck!” Derek agreed.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first ever Sterek fic, and I'm sorry. It has not seen a beta and English is not my first language, so be warned. 
> 
> Also this little thing happened bc of this [pic set.](http://bhadpodcast.tumblr.com/post/173529054572/httpstwittercomlegendyianstatus9917559489591) Just so you get an impression. 
> 
> I thought this will be a ficlet. Nothing that long, and I know a few k isn't that long, but I never thought I would be able to split this into chapters so, for me it is already long, lol. 
> 
> Ok that's it.
> 
> Ohhh, before I forget it, this is for the sweetest most amazing person in the world.  
> Thx for being one of my best friends and for always being supportive, loving and caring, for laughing and crying with me. You are incredible Betül and I love you.
> 
> Ok, now I'm done, I hope you enjoy this little piece, and it would be lovely if you leave a comment. 
> 
> Lots of love, M

So Derek said some stupid, stupid shit, he knows that. And he thought it would be like it always was. Stiles is mad about it for like 3 days and then it’s back to usual. 

He doesn’t know if they are friends or anything, he knows he is pack tho. That comes with Scott being bitten and joining, but otherwise, they wouldn’t have met or even recognize each other. Well, maybe Derek would have smelled him someday, walking the street or at the police station but not know him like he does now. 

And it’s been 4 fucking weeks. Stiles didn’t text nor did he see him or anything. It’s like Stiles knew when and where Derek would be, so he would be on the other side of town. 

After like 2 weeks he asked Scott but he wasn’t much help, as well as the rest of the pack. They were useless. He was their alpha! But still, Stiles asked them to not tell Derek a word about him and they kept their promise. 

So there was no other choice, he misses him so damn much, his fucking big mouth and the never-ending talking about everything. The moles on his face, and most of all his scent. He got so used to having him around that now after 4 weeks of Stiles not being in his flat, he is like an addict on cold turkey! He always gets frustrated when he catches himself sniffing the flat for just a little more Stiles and he is running out off that. 

Last week he was on a fucking low nearly going over to Stiles house and climbing through the window just to get his scent, but even at 2 freaking am Stiles was awake and he didn’t wanna be the one breaking, he knew Stiles suffered, he must. All the little signs his body gave away when Derek did something. 

First he thought Stiles was still scared of him but as he watched closely, like a creep, he could tell it’s not fear, Stiles likes him, not just as a friend, he reacts towards Derek in certain moments like Allison and Scott or Lydia and Jackson or even Boyd and Erika react when there is the intimacy of a situation.

And he will not be the first. But this feels like going through a drought and Stiles is the fresh and clear and cold rain! Derek was fucked, simple as that. 

He was so lucky as he found the hoodie, a red Hoodie to be exact, it was in his car trunk. The last mission, where Derek lost it with Stiles and the younger one went home without even blinking, he must have forgotten it.  
So last week he and the hoodie were secret cuddle buddies. He sniffed it. A lot. 

And now he has it in his bed under the pillow in a plastic bag so the scent lasts longer. But it’s not enough. And it’s been 4 weeks and 3 days and 19 hours. And he can’t, he has to see him. That’s why he is sitting in his car, parked in front of Stiles and his dad's house, waiting for the courage to come or, he doesn’t know, the last straw to finally drop so he can give in. If he has to beg Stiles for forgiveness, he actually thinks he will in the split of a second. 

Deep in his thoughts about the last few weeks, he didn’t even hear or sense John coming to his car.  
He nearly Wolfes out as the sheriff knocks, with a concerned look on his face, on the window. 

“Hey, you know I’m a cop and it’s starting to worry me that you creep here for nearly 45 minutes now, so... uhh, can I be of any help here?” John looks into Derek’s eyes for a few more seconds and after getting no reply or move or anything, he just shakes his head and turns to the house again. 

He is nearly inside and has the door handle in his hands as Derek got out of his car. “Wait!” 

John giving him a dazzled look and waited for Derek to come closer. Door still in his hands and blocking the way into his house. 

“Is Stiles home, by any chance?” Derek asked with a devastating look. 

John’s heartbeat picked up, why? Did he know about this too? Did Stiles tell him to lie, even if they both know that they can’t hide the lie from Derek? 

“Why is your heartbeat getting faster John? What happened?” 

“Stiles isn’t home” (not a lie)  
“I guess” (not a lie) 

Derek is confused now and John can see that as he asks him “What’s there to guess?!? The simple question is, is he in his room or anywhere else in the house?” 

“Derek, first of all, you know that I can’t lie with you and second thing, if you can hear my heartbeat, I’m sure you can hear how many heartbeats there are in this house!” John said with worry now. Derek seems off. 

Shit, he was so in his thoughts that he didn’t even check that. What is happening with him, Stiles makes him lose not just his mind, his senses as well. 

“Yeah, so you know where I can find him?” He just replied to John’s statement. 

“He’ll probably be home by now!” 

“Well, he isn’t! Why are you lying to me?” 

“I didn’t”

“What!” 

“Ok, Derek, take a deep breath and listen to my heartbeat, Stiles is probably home, his shift at the station ended like 30 minutes ago!” (Not a lie) 

“What does that mean, you don’t know where your son is, or?” Derek was desperate now. Something was not right! 

“Derek, he moved out, 2 weeks ago. He said he needed something on his own now and as distracted as he is sometimes, he was really fast with everything, he told me about the plan 3 weeks ago, searched for like 3 days and moved out!” 

“He WHAT!” Ok, now he was furious, why didn’t he tell him, why didn’t anyone tell him that Stiles moved the FUCK OUT. 

“Wow, Derek, calm down!!” His red eyes flicker in the reflection of the doors glass window. John’s grip on the door hardens and lets his knuckles turn white. With a softer voice, John says “so you guys still aren’t on speaking terms, I guess!” 

“What! NO!” Derek tries to calm himself and takes a step back as he breaths in slowly. 

“Derek, you realize whatever happened between the two of you, you really hurt him. That night he came back, soaked from the rain, he was lost. I never saw him like this. This lasted for a week. And nobody knows what happened, he wouldn’t talk about it. And after a week he just picked himself up, something deeply changed within him. He told me he wants to move out and well, 5 days later he did. Since he did, he got slightly better and better, well at least I think he does. So whatever it is that happened between you two, don’t you dare hurt him or let him down again. I don’t care who’s fault it was, he is my son and I will hunt you down, I can promise you that.” The look on John’s face was pure determination. “ so if you want to talk to him and sort this out, know that you chose him, and I hope for your sake that you know that, if this happens again, one of us will sleep under 6 feet of dirt!”  
He raised his eyebrows in question! 

“Understood” was all Derek let out.  
He was completely in shock or something, bc his mouth and body are reacting on pure muscle memory. His head and thoughts were running in every direction and nowhere at all. 

“What’s his address?.... Please, I wanna talk to him, I need to, John, please!” 

After John gave him the address and wished him luck both went their way. 

So now the game starts again.  
Sitting in his car outside of Stiles apartment with even more questions than before. He still didn’t move. No idea how late it’s getting, he lost track of time a while ago as he sat in his car at the Stilinski house. 

What should he do, what should he say, can he say anything? Would he even open the door? If what John said was true and he was certain he was, wolf sense and all, would Stiles even let him speak? 

After another, what felt like days, but could only be like 30 minutes, he punches his steering wheel and moves, opening the car door. 

He nearly strangled himself, because all that time sitting there he didn’t unfasten his seatbelt. Please let nobody has seen this! And as late as it is he thinks he got lucky. 

Making his way across the street, one late night person comes out of the door, clearly, some walk of shame thing as red as his face gets as he sees Derek. 

So he sneaks in, catching the door as it shuts. 3rd floor. He walks the stairs, gets his feet some much-needed exercise after sitting so long in his car. And it’s giving him some extra time, he clearly should think of an opening line or something. Fuck, why does he have to do this, Stiles always did that, the talking and rambling on about stuff. This is not how they work. Now Derek has to, yeah....what, talk? Run?.... Kiss those soft lips on this big mouth? Wait, what? 

He smells it, not it. He smells Stiles and it’s getting stronger and stronger. Only led by his nose now he nearly trips over some sneakers. 

Catching himself, hand on a door handle and with the movement going forward by him nearly falling down, the door opens. 

“Jeeezz!! Derek?! You scared the shit out of me!” Stiles half screams, “wait, why are you here? What do you want?”

Derek sees a flicker of sadness on Stiles' face before it changes to anger! But all Derek sees is Stiles in his boxers, standing in the middle of the room. The air thick with Stiles and sweat.  
Stiles was working out, his body covered in little drops of water, his hair sticking to his forehead and his chest heavily moving for breath. 

Derek was fucked! That’s all he was sure off in this moment.  
He closed the door before Stiles could throw him out. Derek closed the distance between them, taking a deep and satisfying breath, sniffing every little bit he could get of Stiles. 

Stiles' heart beats frantically! And Derek knows it’s not just bc of the workout, so he still has a chance, it’s not too late. He can fix this. 

Taking another step forward he catches Stiles hands who wanted to keep him at a certain distance. But he didn’t resist that much, a weak attempt on Stiles side. 

He steps closer, bodies now inches away from touching.  
Derek moves his head to Stiles neck and breaths in deeply. A shudder runs down Stiles' spine. 

“I’m sorry, I was a fucking asshole of a moron and I’m sorry!”  
That’s all Derek said, before he licked the little drop of sweat that started running down from behind Stiles' ear. 

“Fuck!” Is all Stiles said. 

“Fuck!” Derek agreed.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”I'm sorry”, Derek whispers.
> 
> ”I...I promised to go, I'm sorry, I... I... I'll go now” by that Derek stands in the doorframe, reaching for the knob. 
> 
> ”I'm sorry Stiles”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So second chapter, this is a longer one. Hope you guys enjoy it. 
> 
> Lots of love, M

Derek moves his hands around Stiles body. Pressing into him so every part of them touches. Stiles goes limp in his hands, clinging to Derek’s neck for support.

So he starts sniffing and licking his way around the crouch of stiles neck up to his ear. Switching between kissing, biting and licking as he moves along the jawline. Stiles' heart is nearly summing now as he lets his head fall back so Derek has a better access.

A little shake runs through Stiles and next thing Derek knows is Stiles pushing him away grabbing Derek's arms so Stiles can get some distance between them. Derek is still on a high and moves forward until he stands in shock, his cheek is burning. Did Stiles just slap him?  
A deep growl makes his way out of his chest as he glares in disbelief right into Stiles' eyes. 

“NO!”, the scream from Stiles hurting his ears. 

“No, stop that!” Stiles says calmer now as he moves a few steps back bringing more distance between them, “you have no right, whatsoever, to behave like that and in the next moment making a 180 degree turn and do the complete opposite! So no, get out of my flat and don’t you dare come near me again!”

“Please!” is all he could answer to this. 

“Please what, Derek? You think you can just turn up here and what, say one little stupid half ass attempt of an apology and I’ll come running for you? Forgiving and forgetting everything you said just bc I always do?” Stiles moves back again and crosses his hands in front of his chest, “well, did, to be honest, I’m done with you treating me like this! Go and find some poor soul you can treat like this somewhere else because I’m done. Get out of here or I will call Scott and the others!” 

Derek was totally taken aback by the situation, one minute he was in Stilesheaven and now he is falling, still falling and scared shitless of hitting the ground. 

“Please, Stiles, hear me out, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.” His eyes moving between his feet and Stiles' eyes. “Just let me explain, give me half an hour, please, I need you....please, I know I fucked up and I came here to apologize, I’m sorry I didn’t ask if I could scent you, back then. Please, let me explain and apologize and then you can decide, don’t throw me out, please!”

Stiles presses his lips together and shakes his head slightly. His hands move to his eyes, rubbing them and letting out a deep sigh.  
“Fine, give me a moment, I’m gonna hit the shower and put on some fresh clothes. Then you talk.”  
Stiles knows Derek needs time to collect his thoughts and Derek knows what the younger one offers him is a gift of time. The admiration for him settles deeper and deeper into Derek’s bones and soul. “Thank you” is all he says. 

Stiles turns and steps into what should be the bathroom, but he comes out again with a pile of clothes, so that’s the bedroom, and crosses the little distance to the next door, he switches on the light and steps into the bathroom. Door shutting behind Stiles and locking Derek out.

Derek stands there for a few minutes, not knowing if it would be ok to sit down on the sofa. He hears the shower being turned on. Imagining Stiles stepping into it, naked, his skin reacting with a little shudder or goosebumps before relaxing under the warm stream of water.

Stop, now is not the time. Think, Derek! Where should he begin? Ok. Maybe at the start, well, that will be an uncomfortable talk. He isn’t the most talkative person, everybody knows that. But now, it dawns on him. He knows he has to be completely honest with Stiles and it scares him. He has to say out loud what he feels. Especially his feelings toward Stiles. 

He could run, that’s an option. Just leaving everything and everyone behind. It’s not like he was in this kind of situation before, well back then it was a tragic turn in his life, he had no say in. Now it could be his choice. Scott is totally capable of becoming an alpha the pack deserves and he, well he’d become an omega again, alone and without a pack. 

Ok so there is the one way or the other and he has to decide which one is worse. Great, he is shifting his weight from one foot to the other.  
Closing his eyes he takes some deep breaths and then it hits him. No more Stiles scent. So he was fucked. He has to talk about it all, and hopefully, Stiles will forgive him. Right now he thinks it’s impossible to leave this place, and by that, he means Stiles flat, not the town. He couldn’t leave home and home is where Stiles is, and it’s safe....he is sniffing the air, relaxing into the scent. 

He doesn’t just feel home and safe, it’s a deep feeling of security and keeping Stiles safe. It’s nothing like any other person. He never had the feeling with someone before. He is searching his memory and he doesn’t find a single memory that comes close to what Stiles scent means to him. But he gets the feeling that this might be more than just a little crush, could it be that Stiles is his ma......

The shower is turned off and he hears Stiles getting out and getting dry.  
Heck, he wasted all this time on thinking about stupid things instead of making a plan on what and how to say, damn.

As the door gets unlocked and Stiles steps out of the bathroom, he looks at Derek. 

“You know you are allowed to move right, bc you stood exactly there, in the same position, as I got into the bathroom.” With a smile and another shake of his head, Stiles turned to the kitchen counter.

”You want something to drink?”

“Water, please!” 

“And sit down, for god sakes! You make me feel bad about not being a good host, bc all of my friends know I am, so there’s some sort of a deliver the goods to be fulfilled.” He gets two glasses ready, “please sit, I’ll be with you in a sec.”

So Derek turns to the sofa and a comfy looking wing chair. He contemplates for a sec and then sits down in the chair.

Stiles face freezes for a second as he sees Derek in the dark blue chair, then he puts the glasses of water on the table between them.

He sits down, further away than needed, hooks one leg under his bum and turns to Derek, staring him in the eyes with a you-may-begin expression.

Silence! 

Since, what feels like a lifetime, but actually would be like 5 minutes, Stiles is watching Derek. He looks at the floor or to his hands, looks up into Stiles eyes or face, takes a breath and opens his mouth. Then his eyes go back to the floor. His hands clenching into fists or just flex.

Derek is stressed, Stiles knows that, well reading his body language is one thing Stiles got to learn in the years they worked together. 

Stiles shakes his head and then glances at the watch above the desk on the left side of his room. He frowns and clenches his fists. He moves, needs to stand up. Get some more distance between them.

Derek just turned his eyes back on his own shoes so he got like 30 to 50 seconds till his eyes would search Stiles face again. He thought it gives him a bit more time, Derek wanted to talk and explain but since they sat down, there was nothing of that happening and Stiles got annoyed now. 

”You know what. Just go. You wanted to explain or talk or whatever and I thought you would but you do realize that by wanting to talk you actually have to use you vocal coarse so a sound comes out that you form into words which I can hear! All you do is sitting breathing and looking at your shoes, the floor, your hands and then look at me, taking a deep breath, opening your mouth just so you can start all over this routine. So by any means, if you want to talk, talk now or go. I have no time for this and for you. You made sure to tell me about all your feelings the last time we saw each other! So go. Live that stupid little life of yours but don’t come back here. We are done. Get out!”

Stiles turns to the front door, opens it and gestures for Derek to leave.

“NO!” 

“REALLY DEREK!” And by that Derek jumped up from the chair and closed the distance between them. He pushes the door shut. Stiles, who had no way to escape, panicked and took a step back. His back signaling him that the doorknob is pushing into his skin uncomfortably.

Derek was so close he could feel Stiles breath on his skin. 

“Please, hear me out!” He looks into Stiles honey-maple-gold eyes.

After a moment Stiles breaks the eye contact by looking to the side. His lips turning in to a small line and his body tenses up and with that, he pushes Derek away. Breaking free and moves to the other side so he couldn’t be cornered again.

“No, I told you, you got some time, you didn’t use it. Now it’s too late, leave. I’ll call the others and they will make you leave. Despite you being their alpha, I think they still would do it anyway” Stiles crossed his arms over his chest and stared Derek down. 

Derek just stared back and thought how he should start. Actual panic now flooding his system. 

Stiles let out a short breath before moving towards the desk.

“Fine, if you just do nothing, then I’ll call them” 

His hands garbing his phone and unlocking the screen. 

“You were stupid!” Derek whispers, Stiles nearly missing it.

“What?”

”You were stupid! And stubborn! You always are!” With that Derek looks him in the eyes.

”Really you wanna keep offending me, I don’t get it, is this a kink of yours, are you missing the feeling to hurt, scream and snap at me. Got all starved because you have no one to bully anymore. Really! You know what, it was about time to end this. It went on for way too long and that’s mostly my fault, but that doesn’t matter now anyway. Whatever this,” he gestures with his hand between them, “was, I’m done. Get out!” 

Stiles turns to his phone again, thumb moving over the glass surface to call Scott. 

Derek takes the younger man’s phone out of his hands before Stiles could press down to actually call Scott.

“You always get yourself in trouble, you don’t think about your safety, your stupid complex to save everyone, always ends up with you needing to be saved.”  
With that Derek goes back to the chair he sat in before shoves Stiles phone into his back pocket and sits down again. 

“You said I can explain, hear me out, after that, I will leave, I promise!”

Stiles’ hands rubbing his eyeballs and his head shaking, Stiles makes no move toward him. 

“Please, Stiles! I need y... I need to at least try and make this,” he motioned between them, like Stiles did before, “right again, please sit down and let me talk.”

Stiles' lips are still a small line and his eyes shooting arrows at Derek, at least that’s what Derek thinks they do in Stiles mind. 

Through gritted teeth Stiles pushed his next words, “Then talk, no more silence, if I want you gone, you will.”

“Promise!”

Stiles stands for a few more seconds and then sits down in the same place he sat moments ago. 

“Go ahead, I’m waiting.”

“I know what I said to you was way out of line and I’m sorry.” Derek offered. 

“Yeah, sounds about right.” 

“Can you please, let me finish.” Derek half barked. 

Stiles raises his hands, to let Derek know he’ll back off. Then imaginarily zipping his lips, locking them and throwing the key behind him.

Derek shakes his head with a glimmer of a smile at Stiles as if the boy could ever keep his mouth shut. 

Stiles’ brows raising and his eyes telling Derek he is waiting for him to continue.

“Thing is, it’s true, well part of it.” Now Derek has one hand in his hair, scratching the area right above his ear.

“Scott got bitten and he joined my pack. I never choose you to be pack, Scott brought you with and the others simply accepted you, but I didn’t. You were always right there and I just went with it. Fact is you have no right to be in this pack, I never said so, I tolerated you. Sure you have some useful assets but you are human, a fragile, little, helpless human. You never think of your safety, your life or how the outcomes of a fight may be for you. You could die, could have easily been dead already. Every time you went out of our way or just went along with us, we needed to save you, or if the rare occasion happened that you didn’t get caught in the crossfire, then we always had to think of your life first, of protecting you because you are no use as a human in a fight that isn’t yours to fight in the beginning.”

Derek’s eyes sink to the ground again. With a softer and quieter voice, he continued with a sigh.

“The last one just broke me, we nearly lost, not just Isak, we nearly lost you too. This was my last straw, you always push me and go against orders, I was full of fear and anger. You could have died that night, do you realize that?”

Green eyes piercing into honey brown ones. Stiles right foot now moving up and down and he is bitting his lips. His hands clenched into fists so his knuckles look like sharp mountains in his lap. He clearly wanted to say something but for once he remained silent. Derek was impressed.

“Telling you you’re out of the pack, that I don’t want to see you again, that you are just a burden to the pack and me. A liability that isn’t worthy of the pack, I thought I could protect the pack better, the pack would be working better if you aren’t in it. And you would be safe as well.” 

As Derek looked up because he heard Stiles move, Stiles' face was turned away from him. As he turned back to face Derek, Stiles' face looked more like a grimace, smiling but not a happy smile, it didn’t reach the eyes. His nose crinkled up and his cheek has a few little drops of what had to be tears on them. The shirt he wore, now there were two darker spots on each side of his shoulder.

The fists he made still prominent on his tights. Derek’s heart just broke a bit, he didn’t want Stiles to be hurt. 

“The pack didn’t take it well as you could have guessed. They still treat you as pack, despite me telling them that you are out. To be honest, I was so angry I didn’t care. At the next pack meeting came along you weren’t there so I guessed it worked. I was relieved that for once, it worked.”

Derek’s breath turned uneven and shaky, he can do this. He just had to be honest. 

“After a couple of days I got irritated, most of the time you didn’t talk to me for a couple of days and then it’s back to normal again. But you didn’t. The others stayed away more, most of the time, I guess they kept to themselves or were with you, they always smelled like you.”

Derek shakes his head and clears his throat.

“I asked them about you, but they didn’t say a word. Isak told me you made them promise not to tell me anything about you. I knew I fucked up big time as he told me. Well, I was, well, it wasn’t ok, nothing was and the pack isn’t the same without you. With you not being there, it feels wrong and .... it wasn’t good.” 

He will not tell him about the hoodie, but all the little signs he saw when he and Stiles had these moments, he had to try, he knows this could go wrong in so many places but the last 4 weeks were the worst of his life, well right after his family died and as much as he wanted to do something about it, he couldn’t, but with this, this he could change, he could do something and not live like a freaking creep without his daily dose of Stiles. 

“I was devastated, you know, well I hope you know, I reacted this way, always react this way with you because you are pack because you matter and because you are worthy and loved and needed in this pack.  
So please, can you forgive me? I will try to do better, be better for you. I ... We need you, it’s not the same without you. Please!”

Derek’s heart speeds up at the end of it and the silence afterward doesn’t make it better. Derek looks Stiles in the eyes and waits, he waited for moments, waited for Stiles to say something.

He takes a deep breath and starts to stand up. Stiles' eyes are still glued to the chair where Derek sat seconds ago. 

“Look, you have every right to be angry and hate me, so would you at least say something, scream or hit me, I truly deserve it, but I can’t take it anymore, the silence. You not being there. If you need time, you can take as long as you need to, I know I fucked up big time. The pack needs you, so...”

With that he didn’t know what to say anymore, Derek let out a helpless sigh. A last glance at Stiles, who still sat on the couch not making any move, Derek turned to make his way over to the front door.

“So that’s it, the big apology?”

Stiles looks up at Derek, blinking tears away as he got up.

“If I could go back in time and never say that to you, I would, without a question, I hurt you. Along the line of me wanting to protect you from any harm, I was the one hurting you. And I’m sorry. I can’t change it and it’s too late to take it back.”

Derek shakes his head, ”and taking back words that are already said, doesn’t work anyway, I’m sorry, and I will say that every time I see you, every time you want me to say it, as long as you come back to m... us!”

“Why did you do it?” Stiles asks.

“I just... didn’t you hear what I told you?” Derek was confused. 

“No, not that, I mean as you stumbled in here! You sniffed me and stuff, why did you do that, you never did that! Why, what changed? What makes you behave like that?” With that Stiles looks to the ground, “sometimes I thought you liked me, not just being friendly, sometimes you behaved differently with me as if you... and back then you kind of had the same look on your face? I don’t get it. Why play with me like that, I don’t want to believe it’s because you are an actual horrible person, because I think you aren’t. So why?”

This was not the reaction Derek expected, well, when on this bloody earth would go something as he thinks it would go with Stiles, he should have to know that by now.

“You know what, forget it.” Stiles stands up and moves towards the bedroom door. “Close the door behind you, I’ll think about what you said and when I come to a decision I’ll let you know.”  
With that, he opens the door. 

“I thought you were still scared of me, but after I watched you closely I think you weren’t scared, I couldn’t, still can’t in a way, believe you liked me. So I watched the way the others acted and reacted in certain situations and I tested you. I was fascinated with you and how you responded. It let me hope, that maybe one day you and I...” Derek shakes his head.

Stiles' mouth dropped to the floor somewhere between Derek’s explanation.

“You and your damn mouth and all the talking, you always give me shit, you are the only one calling bullshit. And your eyes, your piercing eyes, always so awake and keeping me on my toes.” Derek smiles to the ground and shaking his head. 

“Fact is, I don’t come here bc of the pack. I came here bc I miss you, Stiles, I miss you, miss your mouth, your bloody mouth always rambling on. And I miss your scent. You don’t know how much I miss it, it drives me crazy not having you around. I feel this deep need to protect you, having you within arms reach. My own flat doesn’t feel home anymore bc you aren’t there, your scent is gone. Slipping through my fingers. I fucked up and now I have to live with the consequences, but I know you feel something for me. You still do, at least I hope so. And this hope keeps me going. I need you, I don’t know why I need you so much, well. It’s a werewolf thing. And you don’t have to bother with that.”

Derek stands up and turns to the front door. With sad puppy eyes, he turns to Stiles, sniffing the air one last time, it breaks his wolf and him to leave Stiles.

“I’m sorry, I truly am! Take your time!” With that, he opens the door, “Goodnight Stiles!”

Right before Derek closed the door behind him he hears Stiles' heart skip a beat as he whispers, “Mate”

He stands there frozen, the realization hit him like a wrecking ball. How did Stiles come to that conclusion?

How did he not think of this sooner? This explains so much now in retrospect. Was he so deep in figuring out how to get Stiles back that he missed the essential reason why he feels that way with Stiles, he never questioned it, not like that.

The door in his hands moved, Stiles stands right in front of him now.

“I’m your mate, aren’t I. And you are mine, I read about it. This explains a lot.” Stiles now grins like a little child standing in front of a candy shop.

Derek looks into Stiles' eyes, ”You sure”

”Shouldn't you be the one on the knowledge and having the answers side of this because as far as I know, you are the werewolf and I'm the little helpless human”

”I..... Stiles do you know what that means, being someone's mate, you said you read it somewhere, what did you read, what do you know of mates and mating?” Derek’s hands now balled into fists, he is trying hard not to jump the human and rub his scent all over him. Letting everyone know that Stiles is his and Derek is Stiles.

"So it's true, you knew that and you didn't tell me, ok, I kind of get why you didn't tell me but....you still behaved like the biggest dick walking the earth towards me, why Derek, why did you do that, all it needed was for you to ask me out or anything similar to that, ” with that Stiles turns back around and takes a few steps into his flat again, ”you could have spared us so much drama, fuck, Derek, why?” with that he turns around to look him in the eyes again. A sad smile prominent on Stiles' face.

”I didn't think of it, just during the last weeks, it just hit me as you were in the shower, I never thought of that, I never thought it would be possible, with everything that happened to me, and you, I was never sure you liked me like this, I hoped you liked me, I was dreaming about you even considering me as someone you'd wanna be in a relationship with, like, you know, loving and caring, being boyfriends relationship. How should I have known that this was even possible in reality! I will never be worthy of your love and you deserve way more than me.” Derek was on a freaking run now, he couldn't stop talking, he finally could breathe again and all it needed was for him to realize Stiles was his mate. ”I know I fucked up, and I'm so sorry Stiles, I do get if you don't want to see me or have anything to do with me anymore, but before I'll let you be, I have to tell you this, you have to hear it as much as I have to finally say it out loud.”

Derek steps into the flat again standing in front of his if-his-wishes-and-dreams-would-become-reality-mate. Slowly he raises his right arm so he could move Stiles’ face up and make eye contact again.

”I love you!”

Both their hearts skipped a beat.

”I have loved you for a long while now and I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner, you are an incredible, beautiful soul and all I could wish and ask for in a person. You are the perfect match for me and I hope I'll be that for you too. You are smart and caring, you never fail to amaze me and I don't know how I could live a life without you in it. You are my mate, my person, my heart, and soul. The only reason my whole being is on this earth is so I could find you. As your mate I will promise to never let you down again, to care, respect, love and cherish you every single day, not because I have to but because you deserve to. I'm sorry it took me so long and I'm sorry I can't change the last few weeks. I love you, Stiles.”

During that time none of them looked away, Derek’s hand still cupping Stiles' chin. His thump now moving to the boy's cheekbone and rubbing some tears away.

He doesn't know when the tears started to fall down on Stiles' face.

Centuries could have past, they wouldn't know. Derek got more anxious by the second tho. Stiles didn't move or say anything.

Another minute goes by and Derek feels his eyes tearing up until the first tear makes it's way down his cheek and ends at the left side of his mouth.

With that he removes his hand from Stiles' face, ever so slowly, just so he could have some extra seconds of Stiles, even to the rejection hovers over him.

”I'm sorry”, Derek whispers.

”I...I promised to go, I'm sorry, I... I... I'll go now” by that Derek stands in the doorframe, reaching for the knob.

”I'm sorry Stiles, ” he takes one last breath, letting his nose be filled with his mates' scent for the last time as he shuts the door between them.


End file.
